Pizzah update… January 1, 2012
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Random Posts , add a commentWell, I got the pizza and ate a few slices, then watched king of the hill, and all went well…
Now i want to repeat that.. but that would require money.. and that … well.. must be used elsewhere..
Todd’s still here too. He might be going to the new home tomorrow, unless we get more snow here.. Aparently it snowed up in the north part of Indy and froze things and broke car peices.
Meow!
Dear T. post… January 1, 2012
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Blogs On Posts In The PC Forums, Dear T Posts , add a comment11:32pm:
Dear T,
You wouldn’t happen to have those circle thingies that they had in the state hospital for schema therapy would you?
If so I could really use them, but I dont want them unless you will read them… I can write all day long, and talk till i’m blue in the face, but it does me no good if there isn’t someone there recieving it.
And I’m so sorry, I barely remember ANYTHING from the last session…
And I’m scared to go see the pdoc this week… What if he starts me on some med that i’m not used to, that i’ve never been on before.. what if he changes things like that psych nurse did!? I know i’m panicing here, but dang it, i have a right to be panic right now! How long does it take for the benzo’s withdrawl to stop?! because I’m tired of these random jerking and twitches, and i’m tired of feeling like i’m being electricuted and jerking from it while i’m trying to sleep! I am tired of the panic attacks!! the panic attacks are by FAR the worst… – oh crap… how am i gonna pay you and the pdoc and get my meds!? This is the new year, and the deductible is reset this month! I dont have 300 dollars for a deductible, nor do i have over 2,000 dollars for copays of the two meds that i’m on! 
I was really hoping to buy some new shoes with some money this time since my shoes are WELL used… and i’ve had them since August 2009 and wore them every day, and walked many places miles and miles daily with them… I can’t imagine how many times I steped in the nasties! and I holes all in the soles and every time I walk I feel everything, and my feet get instantly soaked just by walking in the grass of a morning when theres dew on the grass.
I have too many worries right now.. perhaps this may be one of those that I find a way to get down on paper and take it to you… but prolly not…
Tho I might bring some of this up anyways if my memory doesn’t forget it.. or if..- … well i’ll just shut up… atleast my mind is starting to make more sense in my head, but I dont know if i’m making much more sense outwardly yet..
hurting,
Fate
Name 5 Things About You Posts… January 1, 2012
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : 5 Things About U, Blogs On Posts In The PC Forums , add a commentThe original post can be found here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=211161
1.) I am a female.
2.) I’m 24years old, but will be 25 in 12 days (not counting today since it’s on the 13th)
3,) I was born on Friday the 13th, and my birthday this year falls on Friday the 13th as well.
(my mother was born may 13th on a friday as well.. kinda cool huh?)
4.)One of my favorite colors is that of this color i’m Using for the text color.
5.)I can’t remember the first post I posted here in early 2007. lol
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(Happycheeks, you are far from any of that in my eyes!!! *hugs*)
1.) I like to customize everything.
2.) I take phases where I obsess over each phase, but always come back around. (such as video games, PC, forums, RPGing, IMing, Facebook….)
3.) I love listening to music, and I use quotes from music to get my point across when i can’t say it in my own words…
4.) I’m usually a pretty happy person when i’m not in “toxic” situations…
5.) I am laid back and friendly (but can tend to be a bit anti social when I isolate from the world).
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1.) I’m crying… again.. (as negative as that sounds, it’s actually a positive)…
2.) I guard myself from my “parents”.. And do an okay job at it…
3.) I notice that the “positive” feelings are now going south.. And I wish i knew how to turn backwards.
4.) I’m hungry. lol
5.) I like to help others when I can, and even when i feel drained I still try to because i want to.
More I wishes… January 1, 2012
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Blogs On Posts In The PC Forums, I Wish Lists , add a comment1:03pm:
I Wish that the person who claimed my doggy, would just come and pick him up… It’s much like being told I have to get my blood drawn tomorrow, then end up in the waiting room for hours… Making the event way much worse than it has to be…
I wish i could celebrate my birthday this year…
I wish my birthday card that arrived in the mail from my biological mom wasnt taken out of my hands and riped into pieces then i got yelled at for having it, as if I WAS THE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE CARD AND SENT IT TO MYSELF . *Eye rolls*
I wish i could see my T this week…
I wish this year will be much better than the last…
I wish i evened out my karma from all the shiz from last year.
I wish i could move out RIGHT NOW!!
I wish i could get help for the dissocatiating thing right now too..
I still have a lot of wishes.. I wonder if i will ever not have so many wishes.. then I also wonder would that be a good or bad thing that i no longer had so many wishes.. I guess wishing isn’t just wishes… They are words spoken in hopefullness, and seeing a future…
1:16pm:
I wish such parents didn’t exsist.. I wish you two could get rid of THEM. (instead of them getting rid of you).
I wish there was something I could do to help you two. (I know and have been in that spot quite a few times. and sometimes walking right into the fight getting blind sided with a book or something when I walked right into it, not knowing it was going on(another reason why i stay in my room. I have walked out into more than one time).
I wish parents wouldn’t take their children for granted and use them as mental or physical punching bags…
I wish we all could get out of this sucky situation we all are in..
I wish I could help in some way, I wish i could be there to comfort you, I wish I could be there and hold you close and cover your ears and tell you it’s okay, and it’s not your fault! No matter what anyone else says or leads you to believe!! You are not responsible for their actions and their words! And you are not responsible to their thoughts or feelings either!! I wish we had teleportation devices, and could set up places in our rooms for when it got bad we could just teleport to someone who wasn’t currently having an issue within the house.
I wish that we weren’t the ones hurting!!!
Ordering Pizzah! January 1, 2012
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Random Posts, Uncategorized , add a commentKinda sad and lonely with ordering pizza without my bestest buddie, but still a good event. Hoping that doing this, and watching the rest of the King of the Hill episodes that I started over 2 months ago will somehow cheer me up a bit. .. Also theres a note to self here, if I break any bones while going to the door to answer it for the pizza dude, ordering pizza on new years is a bad omen! lol!!! Cause last year I LITERALLY broke into the new year.. just by going to the door to answer it for the pizza delievery guy (no i had nothing to drink lol). Then ended up butt-riden for months afterwards. well.. butt-riden for the first few weeks, then it became more butt-riden, knee-riden, and like hop along athlete (as my left leg has never been so strong to get me from one end of the house to the other by hopping the whole way with no breaks before this incident lol!!)
Well HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!! – >.> oh i think i hear the pizza man driving up the drive way. (gotta catch him at the door so he dont wake the others up in the house who are sleeping(or i’ll never hear the end of it)).
My “Dear T” Post Within The Forums – 7 December 31, 2011
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Blogs On Posts In The PC Forums, Dear T Posts , add a commentI guess i’m gonna be stuck wondering why you never called back for days on end here… Even if you couldn’t of answered all of my questions I left on your voice mail, I really needed to know about the whole hospital thing… and if it would disqualify me for the waitlist at all.. and what hospital… and how to get there? I don’t trust that crisis line at all… I want to hear it from you… I want to know what your judgement on it is..
I cried my eyes out today.. harder than I ever had that i can remember… I can’t go on this way…
I feel like i’m loosing two souls that im so close to here.. all within the same week… I got my feelings back.. I dont want to loose Todd.. I dont want to give him up.. I got those feelings back!!! I was afraid that i might…
I wanna cry again.. damn i’m way too emotional here lately… I liked it better when I was a teenager, I didn’t get the tearful depression.. i just got…. numb… and hating life… now i’m crying, and im not hating life… that much… I’m just… sad.. and hurting..
somethings.. are just indescribable… and i dont wish to relive in a place where i could feel safe for just an hour a week… when the rest of the week I live in that hell.. why would I want to bring that hell into the one place that I get a short break from it?
…..,
us….
More of the I Wish’s December 31, 2011
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Blogs On Posts In The PC Forums, I Wish Lists , add a comment1:48pm:
I wish so many things, that I wouldn’t know where to begin….
9:11pm:
I wish I could keep my doggy, but i know it’s for the best anyways…
I wish the neighbor’s didn’t set off fireworks right by the window where my window heater was running, and sending all the firework smoke in my room.
I wish everyone a Happy new year…
I wish an appartment would open up asap!…
I wish I wasn’t so depressed, and i wish that the good things that happen to me would cheer me up, instead of staying in the depressed state..
I wish that I didn’t feel so weak over all of this..
I wish that I was “strong enough” to play the “doing great” part…
I wish that wishes weren’t just wishes.
The Song Mash Up – 2 December 31, 2011
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Official Songs/Lyrics/Singers, Random Posts, Struggles , add a commentSong lyrics from all over the place that I feel like fit how i feel over something, someone, or how it fits for someone else towards me, in some way or another…..
“How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb. Without a soul my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold. Until you find it there, and lead it back home.. Wake me up, Wake me up inside! I can’t wake up! Wake me up inside! Save me!! Call my name, and save me from the dark! Wake me up! bid my blood to run, I can’t wake up! Before I come undone, save me!!! Save me from the nothing I’ve become! Now that I know what I’m without, You can’t just leave me!!!! Breathe into me, and make me real! Bring me to life!!!”
“There’s nothing inside! Bring me to life! Frozen inside without your touch. Without your love darling, only you are the life among the dead.. All this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see! Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me! I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems! Got to open my eyes to every thing! Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul, don’t let me die here!! There must be something more!! Bring me to life!!”
Todd’s up on Craigslist… December 31, 2011
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Random Posts, Struggles , add a commentThis will be the third post i posted up… I’m suprised to see I haven’t gotten even ONE response over any of the posts yet. (the other two i’ve taken down as theres the rule of not having two of the same posts up at the same time.. lol…)
http://indianapolis.craigslist.org/pet/2777060122.html
Song stuck in my head… December 31, 2011
Posted by LexiAnnRe in : Official Songs/Lyrics/Singers, Random Posts , add a commentI made a background on this song a REALLY long time ago too.. lol
But I haven’t uploaded any of my backgrounds on to here yet…
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